It seems like no one understands me and no one is listening to me. This sounds extremely selfish, but it is the way I felt the first sixteen years of my life and it is suddenly the way I feel today. I know my husband loves me and is there for me, but every time I am at my breaking point he is unaware of it and I put up a piece of my wall because I feel like at that moment he isn't accessible to me.
Right now I just want to be alone and I know that is just so I can hide, if I hide it isn't real right?
However, when you have two kids, a husband, and your recovering addict mother living with you, you can't really be alone. Oh yea, I guess I haven't updated since she has been home. Yep, a week now.
The first few days seemed easy, like we could do it, and we can, but it isn't easy. Everything she says, everything she does I have a mini flash back to something she said or did in the past. I take her advice like a grain of salt and I can't balance the way my emotions are washing around. I don't know, I don't understand any of it and I just feel like I am drowning. Like I just need to be alone for an hour or a year to deal with it all. My mom wants me to talk to her, but I can't. I have here and there, but I don't know. She is weak and I don't want to push her with my hurtful emotions, I don't want to be the reason she relapses.
I just wish I could understand and deal...
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